Still passing the open windows and falling down the stairs

Why is it that no matter how much, or rather, how little I eat in a day, I wind up feeling as though I have gained ten pounds somewhere along the way?

As I bounce into work in the morning, I feel strong and energetic with the mental image of a semi-fit tuckus with just a very slight jiggle. You know…the sexy jiggle.

When I slug out of work in the afternoon, I feel weak and tired with the mental image of a semi-truck jiggling the entire 5th floor.

My only plausible explanation for how I could consume (1) Slim-Fast, (1) small orange, (1) small apple, (10) baby carrots, and (1) Clif Bar in nine hours and still feel as though my pants had mysterious constricting abilities is GRAVITY.

I generally get into bed between 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm. I lie in a very horizontal position, unless it’s a particularly good night, for the better part of the next nine hours. My theory is that things settle, including jiggly material, into the body. Sort of adhering to it. The stuff on the back is similarly pressed into the body. As this occurs, you slenderize. Come on…we ALL look better when we are lying down.

But this cannot last. Movement and that damn gravity will swoop in to free the flab from your bones where it can return to its former pant filling, muffin topping state.

Just one more time gravity fucked me.

Category: bandick
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