I love, love, love my DVR.
I was sick last week and I found that I’m able to watch twice as much shit in half the time with my handy jump forward button. I can scan the shows at 4x, 15x, 60x, or 300x normal speed. That means I don’t have to watch a whole episode of Oprah. I can skip right to the part where Doctor Oz has the diseased omentum in his hands. I can rewatch the pickle licker on The Soup over and over, crying from laughter and experiencing an uncomfortable urge for a kosher dill. And, as I mentioned here, sports are extra fun at an accelerated speed.
I hate, hate, hate my DVR.
I have lost all sense of reality. I find myself, several times a day, reaching for the jump back button…on my radio, on my steering wheel, on my phone. Saturday, I was in my car when someone pulled a seriously crazy maneuver on the road and I started looking for the remote so I could see it again. Mumbley Joe calls me on the telephone and I’m searching the buttons for the left arrow. People have started standing a fair distance from me because I’ve been known to reach over and push their left nipple if I need a do-over. To date, I have not yet sensed an urge to jump forward but I’m sure that’s just a budget meeting away.
The worst part — last night as I was drifting off to sleep and the dreams were starting to come, an info box popped up, I guess giving the plot and running time of the first dream in the queue…?