Still passing the open windows and falling down the stairs

Don’t rock the boat, baby

As I mentioned, we have seen that Siri enjoys the water. She jumps up and down and splashes and sticks her butt in and bites at the water and practically starts singing. Until she gets in too deep. That’s when toys are lost as we watch them drift away because Siri is back on the shore rolling in the grass.

Perhaps swimming is not genetically coded along with the love of water. I thought the doggy paddle was a pretty natural thing but Siri looks like she’s trying to walk on the water and, as much as I’d like to think she does, she actually can’t. She’s left looking spastic as she tries to get a foothold on the surface and people have threatened to call that ASPCA if we don’t stop chucking her in. So, it was decided that swimming lessons were in order.

McFuzz and I took her for her first swimming lesson yesterday which, coincidentally, was partnered with her first boat trip. We rented a canoe to take about seven miles down the St. Croix River. This was a canoe trip I’ve made many times in my life and I was thrilled to share it with my boy and my girl.

We looked like pros. Strutting to the landing with our gear and the cool dog that jumped right into the water. This image of cool, which was certainly only in my mind, was shaken when we had to physically lift the 60 pound dog and drop her into the middle of the boat while repeating our new mantra “stay, stay, stay” as we shoved off.

Okay. We’re in the boat. We’re paddling. We’re doing great. Sense of coolness returning…

Then we hit the rock. And were, momentarily, going backward. And then, as if on cue, Siri began to do something like this…

…right before she stepped out of the boat. And she is not exactly graceful. As my mother would say, “too tippy”. We stabilized the boat and then McFuzz stepped out to throw Siri back in. More stabilizing necessary. And, while the water was only about a foot and a half deep in this particular section of river, I was suffering a silent heart attack while I waited for my dog to be sucked into the strong current that existed only in my mind.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, which was perfect. She got some swimming lessons and, although she still appears to be having some sort of spastic attack, she’s getting better. She even ventured into “the deep end” of her own volition more than once.

Sometime’s there’s no natural talent for the thing you really love. Just keep flailing until things click. And if they don’t click, climb back on shore and roll in the grass. You always have options.

Turtle kills last remaining survivor of Labyrinthonia


Those who know me are probably shocked that it has taken me this long to feature a turtle in my “Crap on My Desk” series. This is the end of a pen that I have never used. For five years this turtle has watched the other pens in the cup come and go while his ass rarely sees the light of day (aka fluorescent noon). Poor bastard. Look at it this way; you’ll be full of inky goodness for years to come while the others are spending their days in the landfill next to a half-eaten box of Nilla wafers. I ignore you because I love you, turtle.

Since I was a teenager, around the time turtles first roamed the earth, I have been collecting turtle stuff. Or more accurately, crap. At the time, I didn’t realize it was for my COMD blogging entertainment. Nor did I realize that I would make loads of dough pawning the turtles off on my neighbors and passers-by at my first garage sale.

We didn’t make as much profit as McFuzz thought we would, but we did pretty well in the world of garage sales. I can’t tell you how many times I heard the following: “This is the best garage sale I’ve been to in years”, “Where did you get all of this stuff”, and, of course, “You want I can give you less money…?” There should be an optional garage saling lesson in ESL classes. Of course I don’t want you to give me less. But I would be willing to take less for the door knob, if absolutely necessary.

We didn’t sell the dog or cats, but I think I made a deal for the first born. I had a hard time keeping up with the haggling from some of the pros.

ps – Special shout out to mamacita who helped me immensely during the stretches of dead time…only to ditch me thirty seconds before everyone in the county finally hit the block. Honestly, I had a lot of fun! My *Argentinian* mother would never have hung with me.

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