Wow. More than a month has passed since I disappeared into myself. And here’s a heads up…this is not a funny post. If that’s what you’re in the mood for, try this, or this, or this. This one gives me a giggle, too.
I’ve been struggling. My health has not been good and as the test results are rolling in…negative, negative, negative…I’m beginning to think that my mind has once again sabotoged my body.
Fuzzybottom is back in Ohio. He’s working like crazy and will be there all summer (he left mid-April). We were having problems before he left and I’ve been mulling over my next steps for two months. You don’t have to be Karnak the Magnificent to know what certain people (who shall not be named) want me to do. Move on, honey…
Easier said than done. I love him. I miss my friend. Not to mention that I never have the physical pain with him that I have without him. BUT, I am willing to admit that I’ve run out of steam. Three years gone and we’ve made no progress. He’s still not dealing with his shit. I still want the things he’s not yet offered.
I’ve been periodically checking in on the site(s) of this really amazing guy, Halcyon. Be warned, all ye faint of heart, that if you do any digging beyond Hug Nation, you may find that he is something of a part-time pornographer…gasp!
Anywhoooo…I don’t remember exactly how I found his site(s) but his gentle nature and seemingly pure heart pulled me in and I continued to read. He posted the following (I don’t know if he wrote it…?), “Float More, Steer Less. Love More, Fear Less.” It appears to be the Hug Nation motto…?
I wrote it down and have walked around with it in my bag for months. It struck me today that this is the perfect choice for my daily meditation. I am not even close to floating because I have secretly been consumed by fear. I’ve been terrified of making any decision because I’m afraid it might be wrong.
TODAY, I begin to float. So, please, let me.
ps…did you notice who he was hugging? Rob effin’ Corddry!