Because I have so much trouble remaining present in my healing, I am constantly looking for milestones to remind myself of the days, weeks, and months since the incident. Anything to put some space between now and then.
To that end, I decided I should add a countdown gadget to my iGoogle page to mark six months. The incident occured right around noon on October 9, 2011, so I have begun the count down to noon on April 9, 2012. As of eight minutes ago, that countdown read 120 days, 20 hours, and 20 minutes.
120 days. 20 hours. 20 minutes.
I want to be hopeful, but I have doubts about my ability to grow significantly in 120 days, 20 hours, and 20 minutes. I have doubts that I will feel any differently in 120 days, 20 hours, and 20 minutes than I feel at this moment.
Flat. Blank. Invisible. Not happy, not unhappy.
But I’m still looking forward to where I might be in 110 days, 10 hours, and 10 minutes.