Still passing the open windows and falling down the stairs

Cwap on my dethk

Thuffed up nothe…painful thinutheth. Mutht be allewgieth. Ohw…thinuthituth.

So, I visited the quick clinic this morning to get a little TLC and hopefully the secret to relieving the pain that woke me up every 60-90 minutes through the night. What I got was an abrasive and condescending doctor who gave me nasal spray and a boot in the ass. Thanks.

When I went to the pharmacy to have my nasal douche prescription filled, I may have gotten a little carried away…

This crap on my desk will soon be crap on my nightstand and I will soon be horizontal.

My orchid has a willie!

Yesterday, I noticed that my orchid was, um, growing. So, after giggling about how it looked like a peen for, I don’t know, ten minutes, I decided to do some pruning. After I cut back some of the dead stems that had been used for decoration but which I thought just looked like dead stems, I found another peen. Only this peen had been smooshed between the “decorative” stems and looked sad and flat. Sort of like what Johnny Knoxville’s willie looked like after he let someone drive a car over it. What? He didn’t? Well, it’s coming.

I don’t know if the peens will turn into stems or leaves, but I’m giving them lots of face time…no!; I’m coaxing them to grow…no!; Seriously! Why can’t I stop thinking of them as peens?

Oh, and did you also notice how this is actually Crap on My Desk? So, here’s the mandatory COMD pic:
No. Nope. Nuh-uh. I couldn’t do it. I started to create a picture but if it looked like a peen amongst the moss, guess what it looked EXACTLY like when I put it on Ron Jeremy, circa 1980.

Too far. Even for bandick.

Turtle kills last remaining survivor of Labyrinthonia


Those who know me are probably shocked that it has taken me this long to feature a turtle in my “Crap on My Desk” series. This is the end of a pen that I have never used. For five years this turtle has watched the other pens in the cup come and go while his ass rarely sees the light of day (aka fluorescent noon). Poor bastard. Look at it this way; you’ll be full of inky goodness for years to come while the others are spending their days in the landfill next to a half-eaten box of Nilla wafers. I ignore you because I love you, turtle.

Since I was a teenager, around the time turtles first roamed the earth, I have been collecting turtle stuff. Or more accurately, crap. At the time, I didn’t realize it was for my COMD blogging entertainment. Nor did I realize that I would make loads of dough pawning the turtles off on my neighbors and passers-by at my first garage sale.

We didn’t make as much profit as McFuzz thought we would, but we did pretty well in the world of garage sales. I can’t tell you how many times I heard the following: “This is the best garage sale I’ve been to in years”, “Where did you get all of this stuff”, and, of course, “You want I can give you less money…?” There should be an optional garage saling lesson in ESL classes. Of course I don’t want you to give me less. But I would be willing to take less for the door knob, if absolutely necessary.

We didn’t sell the dog or cats, but I think I made a deal for the first born. I had a hard time keeping up with the haggling from some of the pros.

ps – Special shout out to mamacita who helped me immensely during the stretches of dead time…only to ditch me thirty seconds before everyone in the county finally hit the block. Honestly, I had a lot of fun! My *Argentinian* mother would never have hung with me.

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